Xabi Alonso Sacked, Arne Slot Quits Liverpool, and Mourinho Returns to Chelsea: Managergeddon Predictions**
We’ve been predicting that this summer would be the season of MANAGERGEDDON, following an unusually calm period for managerial changes. The lack of movement has created a bottleneck of chaos, now unleashed. Even we couldn’t foresee the speed and scale of these changes. With no signs of slowing down, here are our predictions for the summer’s managerial merry-go-round.
Xabi Alonso Sacked by Bayer Leverkusen
Alonso’s near-perfect season ends disastrously in a Europa League final against Atalanta. Bayer Leverkusen, eager to be seen as a serious club, must part ways with him. Despite Alonso’s charm, his failure in big games is unacceptable. A fortunate escape for Liverpool as well.
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A Surprise Appointment for Leverkusen
Bundesliga clubs are favoring managers with minimal resistance to relegation from the Premier League. Chris Wilder might be the next unexpected choice for Leverkusen.
18-Year-Olds Required to Manage Manchester United
In a bizarre government initiative, all 18-year-olds will take turns managing Manchester United for a fortnight. Those who opt out can serve 12 months in the military instead. This proposal is surprisingly popular among some demographics.
Wolves Sack Gary O’Neil
Despite warnings, Wolves dismiss O’Neil. He becomes a specialist in mid-season rescues, never enjoying a pre-season, and spends his off-time critiquing VAR on Monday Night Football.
Manchester United’s Managerial Dilemma
United face a dilemma: retain a manager unsuited to the club’s vision or sack one who just won silverware. Either decision promises to be equally entertaining.
Eddie Howe Leaves Newcastle for England Job
Howe’s departure for the England job throws Newcastle into disarray. They inadvertently appoint Rob Edwards, following the trend of hiring managers familiar with Premier League transitions.
Arne Slot Quits Liverpool Before the Season Starts
Slot’s early resignation allows Liverpool to bypass the usual difficult transition period, setting up for a potentially smoother future.
Thomas Frank Gets a Big Job
Frank’s appointment at a major club reveals to pundits that he is, in fact, foreign, shattering their long-held belief that he was a solid local geezer.
Mourinho Returns to Chelsea
Chelsea’s search for a young, compliant manager leads them back to Mourinho. His late-career antics promise to challenge the owners while demoralizing players, setting up another Chelsea manager hunt by November. Mauricio Pochettino becomes a top contender.
Russell Martin Secures Another Promotion
With Kieran McKenna and Enzo Maresca on bigger clubs’ radars, Russell Martin is poised for a major promotion. Perhaps to Spurs, ensuring they don’t miss out on the summer’s managerial chaos.
Vincent Kompany Named Bayern Munich Manager
Okay, maybe not that. But the rest? Definitely plausible.