To Date or Not to Date a Church Member: 5 Essential Considerations
Considering a romantic relationship with a fellow church member? Here are five vital aspects to think about.
Marrying a church member might seem appealing due to shared beliefs and a potentially easier life. However, before leaping into marriage, there’s the dating phase where things can take unexpected turns. For instance:
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Picture this scenario: in private, your boyfriend or girlfriend continues to speak in spiritual terms. You vent about a rough day, and they respond with scriptures about gratitude and the power of words. You crave casual conversation, but they’re inclined toward Bible study and prayer. All the cute relationship notions you had seem to vanish, and it feels like you’re in church 24/7.
Your hormones can also come into play, and before you realize it, you’ve “fallen” into sin. You find yourself in a cycle of guilt – repenting after each intimate encounter, only to repeat the same mistakes. The weight of this guilt can make you feel disconnected, to the point of avoiding church altogether.
When a relationship ends poorly, the typical remedy is to erase all traces of your ex from your life. However, if you’re dating a church member, you’ll encounter them every service day. The emotions of anger, disappointment, or betrayal resurface each time you lock eyes, making these encounters uncomfortable.
You’re compelled to watch your ex move on, even witnessing their happiness. It becomes even more awkward when they get married, while you remain single.
One unfortunate trait among overly religious individuals is the belief that they are always right and the tendency to impose their morality on others. In a relationship, this can be overbearing, particularly if they refuse to acknowledge their own faults and continuously point fingers at you. It becomes more complicated when you discover that they are impolite, untrustworthy, financially irresponsible, or disorganized.
Dating is often complex, even within the confines of a church community, which is why caution is essential.
One approach is to maintain transparency and seek guidance from a senior church member who can supervise the relationship and hold both parties accountable. However, this can be intrusive and stressful.
Another option is to start as friends, allowing you to observe the person without emotional investment. If you find that you genuinely like who they are beyond the church setting, consider not delaying the relationship. Take yourselves off the market.